Sunday, May 6, 2012

Fun with Amazon


You all know that Amazon isn't just about books anymore.  You can buy anything from movies, electronics, gardening tools, toys, groceries, clothing - even automotive parts. Most of us love Amazon because - even with postage added - whatever product we're buying is probably still cheaper than what we could get it for elsewhere (in my case Australia).

It's fun searching for an almost limitless number of items, satisfying our deepest (or is that shallowest) consumer wants. Not sure if you can get these though...

But recently I was introduced to the wonderful, and hilarious world of the (sometimes fake) customer review.

It came as a link - this link in fact:

If easily offended (the cartoon above was a test), then it's perhaps best NOT to click on the link above. I spent about an hour reading what might be decribed as some of the greatest comic writing of all time. Okay maybe it wasn't Seinfeld, but it was funny to me - and to the people I showed. It became somewhat of a water-cooler discussion item. It turned foes into friends, made close friends even closer, and gave others food for thought.

A more web-savvy friend then told me there were more of these Amazon "reviews" out there.  "More?" I said. I just had to take a look.

The first thing I came across turned out to be the Daddy of them all. The Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee. Normally I wouldn't buy a tee-shirt like this, but reading the reviews made me want one.  And apparently I wasn't alone.  You can check out the wiki if you want to know more.

Then there was Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz. Some of these reviews were a bit verbose, and not as funny, but it was also clear that a lot of people weren't in on the joke. I loved the comments where people would say (paraphrased) "Why are you reviewing milk? Am I missing something here?" Yes, yes you are.

Then there's some of the even more insane things you can actually buy. For example: how about some Uranium Ore. It includes the product desciption:

  • Radioactive Ore Sample
  • License Exempt - low radioactivity
  • Useful for testing geiger counters
  • Radioactive minerals are for educational and scientific use only.
WHAT!? Frankly, this item deserves the reviews it gets. 

Other searches worthwhile trying include:
Then there's the fascination of checking out what other items the people who purchased any of the above bought.

For instance, those who bought the three wolf tee-shirt also purchased Canned Unicorn Meat. I have to say, I'm a little dubious about the authenticity of this particular product. Nevertheless it is for sale, complete with some helpful reviews.

And it's like a chain, or more correctly, a journey with no end as each new link leads you to another link.  Apparently, people who buy canned unicorn meat frequently purchase two other items together with their canned unicorn - "Maybe you touched your genitals hand sanitizer" and "The official Bullsh*t button". I'm not completely sure of the connection, nor do I want to contemplate it right now. 

Other items purchased included Bacon-shaped adhesive bandages, and this Horse Head Mask (something everyone should have).

People who bought the Zubaz pants also bought mullet wigs and Top Gun the movie - enought said, and where I chose to end this particular journey.  I could have been caught up for weeks following the links to bizarre and even more bizarre reviews. In the end I got hungry, and the kids needed their night time story.

But thank you Amazon. Not only do you provide me with every consumer product I could ever need at a reasonable price, but you provide hours of free entertainment that my free-to-air TV has not been providing me lately.

Now where's my credit card, I think I need that Mountain Three Wolf Moon Tee-shirt.

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